It has been a while since I have thought about my blog. Actually, that isn’t true. I have thought it about it quite a lot. The problem has been, what to do, what to write and honestly, if I want to. I have taken a lengthy break from this blog, to gather my thoughts.
If you can’t tell, I am having a bit of a crisis with my writing. All of a sudden, I am nervous, unsure of myself and worst of all, I am struggling to do the very thing I love: writing.
I have had moments before when I feel like I am a complete and utter sham, my writing is awful and I should pack it in. But I have always shed a tear, given myself a pep talk and kept going. This time however, I feel stuck. As if there is an invisible wall I cannot break down, so I thought, the best way to deal with it is to be honest.
Here it is, here is the question that has been in the back of my mind that I haven’t had the courage to face.
Do I really want to be a writer?
It is a scary question. Facing the issues that I have, the uncertainties and the pressures of life.
To question a lifelong dream and the thought that the answer may in fact be, no.The little girl inside who dreamed to be a writer is screaming, “NO! Don’t let go!”
But the grown-up is shaking her head, telling me there are more important things to think about and to do with my time.
The whole reason I wanted to do a blog was to stretch myself in different styles of writing and to begin to hone my craft. However, I have felt that the time to commit to it, as well as other projects is non existent; when I finally have the time there is nothing to write.
I know life often gets in the way, I am a mother, partner, I have a cat, dog a full time job and my commitments at church, but I think what scare me most is that I have never felt this way before.
So, here I am, writing this piece. Hoping that by doing it I will overcome. That I will begin to find my stride again as I push forward.
Have you ever felt this way?
If you have, let me know how you have gotten through it.
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