First and foremost, I apologise for this very late post. It is in fact part of a series of exploring my old prayer diaries and I started this months ago. But as we all know, life has taken a few unexpected turns. Things have gone left when we expected to go right and when we want to go left, we end up taking the right. This however, has made me really want to go back over my diaries again and this particular one is definitely during a pivotal moment in my life. Welcome to the third installment to my series.
Prayer Diary no.3 June 2016-February 2018
The key moment to this diary is that in August 2017 we moved from Cornwall to Hastings. I genuinely thought that we would be living in Cornwall for forever. I fell in love with the place, I had a circle of incredible friends, work that I enjoyed and a church that I felt completely rooted in. Just as I felt like I had finally settled, it was Robin who began to feel unsettled. He no longer gained fulfillment from his job. More importantly, he realised that if he continued to work in a restaurant, he would see even less of his children because our eldest was about to begin school. This sparked for him the beginning of change and I agreed that he should look for something that would fulfill him and work around our family. However, we quickly came to understand that the jobs he wanted were out of Cornwall. My heart sunk.
Alongside this, God was really speaking to a number of us about our strongholds, place from which we operate that are negatively impacting on our relationships and our walk with God. Systems of thinking and acting that stemmed from hurt and the past.
It was a very emotionally challenging time.
As I continued to read through, I found that I began to really hold onto God’s promises.
This one in particular:
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”
Jeremiah 29:14-15
At first, I was a little confused by this. I learned over time that I needed to seek him during this time. As I continued to work through some deep-seated issues and grappling with the change that was coming, I felt that God was telling me to cling on. To hold on to the promise of his presence.
This prayer diary really showed me that this was when I truly began to lean on the truth that God’s plans are good. A new season was coming.
When we said our goodbyes, and made the move I can never say that it was easy but it was right. We all and that includes the children, took the physical move in August 2017 in our stride.
This was where I really struggled. The actually transition into this new phase of our life. I found I was struggling to let go of what was and looking to the future was much harder in practice. At times, I felt unseen, forgotten and left behind. I felt completely poured out. The move had been draining, the even later move into our current home had been taxing. Trying to get the kids into a good school was frustrating. And yet, we had family that now surrounded us, we had hope for the future and my partner and children were flourishing despite how I was feeling. Still, God told me to seek him and cling to him.
It wasn’t until near the end of my diary, so now in 2018 that things truly began to settle for me.
A particular prayer in February 2018 truly showed how far I had come emotionally:
Thank you that everyday I can say that you are good. Thank you for being my constant, my rock, my refuge, and solid ground.
Help me to take everything I have learnt in Cornwall and put it into the ground in Hastings. Thank you for this new season in my life Lord, thank you that you are my shepherd.”
When I read this, I smiled. It was true then and it is true now.
I would like to encourage you, in this season that has brought us so many uncertainties, that we still serve the same God who was with us in the past. Things may not be what we have imagined and we may be facing difficult circumstances, but:
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23
Let me know how God has been faithful during this time for you!
Writing, Reading, Living 