If you have not read my previous post Prayer Diary no.1, then let me welcome you to my new series based on Prayer Diaries.
I am looking back over 5 diaries starting from 2013 and exploring the key messages and themes that have impacted me over the years as a Christian. As I have explained previously, I have found this practice of keeping a prayer diary an invaluable tool. One that helps me to remember God’s faithfulness even when things seem dark and shaky. For me it is a physical reminder of God’s goodness and that if he could see me through then, he can certainly see me through now.
Prayer Diary no.2 April 2016- April 2017
As I began to read through this diary I knew what the theme or key lesson was straight away: what it means to walk with Jesus. Even though back then I obviously didn’t.
One of the ways this is evident, is the amount other people that are in my prayers. The many people who have walked with me as family and community at Emmanuel Baptist Church in Falmouth, Cornwall. During this time I am running the playgroup so my prayers are for the people I come into contact with as well. My weekly group meetings and the mum’s group that I belonged to, truly helped to shape my faith, helped me to grow and go deeper in my relationship with Jesus.
I can see this in the way that I am now not just copying scripture but applying it and studying it in a new way. To learn more about who God is and what that means for me in specific areas of my life.
There is a short prayer that I had written based on Hebrews 13:8.
“Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.”
“I can always rely on you. The rock of my salvation. Father establish us (my family) according to your will. Thank you that you are my constant, my solid ground, my solid house. Not only for me, but for Robin and my children, I do not need to be afraid of tomorrow, for you are there.”
My confidence is growing in God’s goodness and faithfulness.
However, it was also a time of dealing with deep emotional scars. In particular,the process of understanding and asking for healing for the fear of rejection that had defined me for a very long time. Over a few months I was meeting with a couple of women; we talked and bared our deepest hurts and prayed for one another. Living out in the very real sense that when “two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” and “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
I was beginning to learn that to walk with Jesus wasn’t just about going through the motions of prayer (of saying what I think he wants to hear) and going to church, but that he was in fact very much interested in things that I would never have brought into the light. He was totally concerned with my struggles as well as my successes. I didn’t have to hide from him. I could open my heart in ways I had never done before to him and to the people around me.
What also surprised me was that I had written poems of thanks. Now the reason this is surprising is because I am not much of a poet, but I quite like these poems that I had forgotten about. They are at the bottom of this post.
By the end of this diary, we are in the process of another life changing event. We were making decisions about where we should live, the idea that we were going to have to say goodbye to our life in Cornwall was becoming more and more real. However, by the end I had written another poem, giving thanks for all that God had done.
Prayer diary no.2 helped me to remember that to walk with Jesus comes with change in the most unexpected ways, but I am learning to lean in to his presence. To trust that his plans are good and that I am not alone when the days seem so dark. That he is my strong support and I can truly enjoy life.
Let me know what you think and if you also keep a prayer diary!
Thank you. Thank you for giving me roots. Thank you for setting me down on solid ground. Thank you for taking my hand and letting me know that you understand. Thank you for showing me that on the cross, you took my sin, my rejection and my loss. Thank you for your promise, that you are the potter and I am the clay and in your presence Lord, is where I will stay. To everything there is a season, so let my life run the course you have set. To everything there is a reason, so that I may live a life of glory and none of regret.
Purify my heart. In this moment, between this taken breath and the next purify my heart Lord for the way ahead. Make me clean inside and out, leave no room for doubt. Take this heart Lord and write your name so that I can live a life that is no longer tame. I place myself in your Loving hands, mould me, shape me until I understand that there is nothing me and nothing less than to know who you are and to know that I am blessed.