The big clear out.

There was very nearly not going to be a post this week.

I couldn’t seem to formulate anything. I have a list of half ideas and a block of half started posts that haven’t gone any where. And that is ok, I know it is, just like I know it’s ok if I give myself a break and not post anything on this blog.

It is ok to realise that sometimes the creative flow is actually just a trickle at best.

Only a fraction of all the papers!

Instead, I turned my attention to the task that I had been putting off for far too long. To clear out all my accumulated notebooks, papers, rough drafts and scrap pieces of paper that have scribbled stories and ideas on them. This was no easy task.

This mountain is the accumulation of over ten years worth of writing. However, it was bursting out of draws and folders and has been moved into four different houses now. It had to be done.

As I opened the first draw, I groaned at the sight of the bulk of papers and almost closed it again. But a quiet voice said, “If you don’t do it now, you will never do it.”

Something unexpected began to happen as I started. Memories over the last decade came flooding to me. As I looked through old dated notebooks and old ideas I could pinpoint where I was and what stage of life I was in. Moving to Cornwall, going to university, becoming a mother twice, their scribbles on quite a few of my papers and in notebooks, going back to work and more. What also came to me where the highs and the lows, the triumphs and the losses. The friends gained and the friends lost. This mound of papers was a record of where I had been, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Life has certainly moved swiftly and I have felt swept up in its current. Sometimes keeping my head just above water, sometimes drowning and sometimes swimming along in unison.

My anchor through all this has been Jesus. He has been my rock and shelter. He has brought me through things I thought would break me and given me unexpected joys. He has changed me and brought me to places I never thought I would find myself in. He has blessed me with family and friends wherever I have gone. He has blessed me with life.

As I began to let go of the stacks papers, books and kept only the things were necessary; it became two folders that can be kept neatly in a drawer.

I didn’t realise the big clear out was so necessary. There is space again. And there is space in my heart and mind again for what lies ahead. As I closed the draw I let out a big deep breath. The memories of the past are precious and lessons have been learned from past mistakes. There is space for the things happening now and new memories that will become precious.

Have you gone through something similar during this time of lock-down? Has this time helped you to process and let go of certain things? Leave a comment and let me know.

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