New year, new me? Not quite.

Have you managed to keep your new years resolution? Or have you forgotten your resolve and that commitment has already fallen by the wayside? Or do you not even bother?

It is a strange thing how every year we make promise to change something about ourselves? To “improve” or “let go” or do something crazy “like join a gym”. They are of course, our best intentions to love ourselves and to do better than last year in what ever way we have perceived ourselves to have failed.

I have got to be honest, for me it is weight loss. It has been a massive challenge to change my bad habits and even now I am struggling, even with gaining my red belt in kickboxing. (Yay! Go me!)

So to this new year, new me attitude, I am going to have say no. I have been lately keenly aware of the word that God gave to Jeremiah, that He is the potter and Israel is the clay. It is such a beautiful image set in the midst of Israel’s disobedience. In the same way, I want to be molded by our Father’s loving hands.

I come into this new year, not wanting to change myself or force a change that is unsustainable, but to be shaped Jesus. He knows me better than I know myself and of course He does, he made me. He formed me and put me here at this time for his purpose.

My job is to seek him at all times and lean on him in all seasons, trials and joys. It is easier to write it than to live it, but God is faithful. He knows my wayward heart and he always draws me back.

I am thankful for a brand new year, the same way I am grateful for a brand new day, it is new because of God’s renewed mercies. I can count on Jesus to turn this year into what he has willed for it. Not only for me, but for my partner, my children, my wider family and the people I come in to contact with.

Of course I have hopes, dreams and goals I want to achieve this year. Particularly as I will be turning the big 3-0 in December. I must  admit that I have this sense I have to make this year count for some reason.  It is a niggling feeling, almost like a doubt that all I have done up till now is not good enough and I am praying that I will not let it overtake me because this false. I know that God has done some amazing things in my life right up until this moment of writing this.  He has walked with me and blessed me abundantly. I have spent my 20’s raising my family, learning more about God and developing our relationship and writing/working. I pray that by the time I actually turn 30, I will be looking back on this year and this post and remembering all the good things that God has done, how he has brought me through the sad and trying times and I won’t have a break down over the fact that I will be turning 30. In fact, I am planning a joint party because my partner will also be turning 30 as well.

My hopes are for this year are as follows:

1. to be a wise parent to my boys

2. to be a loving partner

3. finish editing my work (maybe get published?)

4. lose 2 dress sizes

5. learn to drive

6. continue to be molded by Jesus.

7. become a qualified Teaching Assistant.

There is a lot and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I bring this all to the Lord because it is He will make my plans prosper and He who will order my steps.

I wish you all a truly blessed 2019!

Let the adventure continue…