Today is my birthday and I have to be honest, I am a bag of mixed emotions.
A part of me feels joyful and grateful that God has brought me to this point to celebrate another birthday.
Apart of me feels sad as so much has changed this year and I am still struggling to process it.
Another part of me feels blessed as I have a two boys and when they said “happy birthday” to me and gave me a hug it was the best thing in the world!
Another bit of me is pissed off because my partner has yet to say the same phrase to me and in fact he is helping the plumber upstairs finish the bathroom.
And the final piece is anxiety, I am not sure what the future holds for me and at 28 you can say that its ok, I still have time. But the control freak in me is in full rage mode at the moment.
However, even as I write this I am starting to feel better. I still look forward to a day spent celebrating the fact I am one year older. I can genuinely look at my life and say there is not much I would like to change. Yes I have dreams and ambitions, but where I am now is great place to be. The meaning of birthday changes over time I think, especially when it comes to when you have children. You pour so much of yourself into that special day for them and for your self it can feel like any other day. The dishes still need to be done, the laundry needs putting away; and don’t even get me started on about having a birthday near christmas day-that is blog post all on its own.
So what’s the point of this? To be honest I am not sure, I fear this may be one of those rambling posts, where it’s about sorting out my own head and heart rather than having any thing profound to say or even semi-intelligent. So please forgive me if you have gotten this far and have realised there’s not much to it.
The only thing I want to do is offer a prayer/poem of thanks.
Thank you for giving me roots,
Thank you for settling me down on solid ground.
Thank you for taking my hand
and letting me know you understand.
Thank you for showing me that on the cross,
you took my sin, rejection and loss.
Thank you for your promise
that you are the Potter and I am the clay
and in you presence Lord,
is where I will stay.
To everything is a season,
so let my life run the course you have set.
To everything is a reason,
so I will live my life full of your love and none of regret.
Thank you for this day
and may there be many more just like it.
And when I am old and grey,
even then I will say
Thank you Lord,
for my birthday.